wonder

Wonder why,
Why I cant sleep at night,
Wonder why,
Why I cant feel my life,
Wonder what,
Is itt that pains so much,
So much,
That it hurts to breath,
wonder why,
Do we still go on,
Go on with all the lies,
All the pretense,
Whom are we lying to,
Is it the others around us?
Or to ourselves,
Life..
What is it after all?
The acceptance of this pretence?
Which with the pain brings the joy,
This is what we are told,
From as long as I remember,
The real joy,
The joy which gives the others around me joy..
But is”nt the pain which I feel by this acceptance,
More killing then the joy which I give to others..
I hope I keep wondering,
Cause it scares me,
That one day,
I will accept,
Accept the pretence,
And then I wont ask again,
Then everyone around me will be joyous,
Except me,
So I keep on wondering…